And so, what does? Those will be the focuses, always. And today is my day to make a PLAN.
I will be 40 this year, and that is crazy to me. It's easy for me to forget because I look in the mirror and it does not compute, I feel like I am 18, younger people relate to me, and so on - but fuck, 40 - if I live to 100, I am only a decade away from mid-life. I do hope to live forever, or at least way longer than most people, as long as it is with QUALITY.
(Take care of yourself NOW so that you are not totally fucked LATER - cuz it'll happen. Look at 99.9% of everyone else).
So my focuses, as I always have known, honestly:
3. Martial arts
4. Health/raw foods
5. MUSIC (what I always wanted to do as a youth - I need to honour that part of me).
Everything else is minor to these. Things I love, like travel, will be PART of these - but I should not focus on travel ITSELF as my interest.
Same with things I have always wanted to do like...learn to ride a motorcycle. Do I really care THAT much? Not really. I can go for rides with my friend and then I don't need to spend money and time on learning, buying a bike, and risking my damned life because pretty much every person I know that rides motorcycles has had an accident. Sporadic easy rides are enough for me, thanks!
And hula-hooping? Meh. I really don't want that to be my crowning achievement in life.
These are just examples of minor interests that have obsessed me at times, but really...they are wastes of time, and take AWAY from the top 5 things I REALLY want to focus on.
I also want to put art/photography in as a sixth, because those are super important to me, too, just not AS important.
Anyway, stuff like fitness...this is way more alluring when it is focused on succeeding at SURFING or Ninjutsu, and not just to "get fit" or "look lean." So then "fitness" loses it's typical meaning and instead becomes a PART of my main focus automatically because it helps me succeed more at my main goals/loves.
I am yattering on, but yeah.
When I read back on my 25 years of journals, I see how much of my life has revolved around men (or boys) and that is fine and normal to a point, but I really want to focus on me. Those things are ultimately more rewarding, plus I am lucky to already have a great dude in my life.
Even if that didn't work out, I am no longer even interested in LOOKING for someone, and I think this is a problem for so many people - the greatest people I have ever had chemistry with, who I have loved SO MUCH have ALL been people I have met organically, where over time chemistry was obvious and built up. The more you become yourself, the more you work on yourself and become awesome, the more people are just drawn to you. It is magnetic (as is health and happiness).
I don't even know why I am rambling on about that, but just in case you are in that sort of situation, that is really the answer, and I can attest because I was the opposite way for like the first 16 years of my love-life.
Anyway, off I go into the depths of my brain to pull out everything I need to splash on paper.
Still raising money for my seminar fund - definitely getting there! If you can spare even a couple bucks, five bucks, or more, you can donate at my gofundme or to my paypal firstname.lastname@example.org
This is a BIG dream of mine, please help me! There are rewards for certain donation amounts, too, including artwork and health coaching!!
It is more important than ever that we do it NOW, because some lunatic could just kill us at any time – a person who chose the wrong fork in the road – someone who never really got to be who they were truly destined to be – that denial of their possible greatness led them to nefarious choices. They could shoot us in the face while we sign autographs. Slaughter us while we dance at a nightclub. Murder us while we are in our car. Mow us down while we celebrate life with others. It’s impossible to know.
Unless you live through an ordeal where you almost lose your life, you may never stop taking life for granted.
I am reaching out again trying to get donations so I can get to this event. I know it's not the most imminent thing that needs funding, but in terms of helping out someone who wants to reach their goals that you KNOW and have known online for years, and to help someone who wants to do good in the world and help women (and guys) rise up to defend themselves and others - consider it, please! There are many rewards for certain donation amounts including artwork, health coaching, my zine, postcards, undying love, etc.
Even if it's only $5, I appreciate every bit, and it all adds up.
If we don’t have something to refer to, we just drift. The chances that we will make it to our intended destinations are almost non-existent.
So, let us question our every thought, every movement, every second, so we can reach those glittery dream realms that we imagined as children.
They do exist, but they’re impossible to locate unless we have the maps to get us there, and the beliefs that we can reach them.
Morning Pages involve three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing every day when you wake up, before anything else, and you’re not allowed to stop, or edit, or really even think about what you’re writing. You spill your guts. You literally write whatever comes to mind. You can write “blah blah blah” until something else starts to form. It’s a release – you just open up and let it all fall on to paper.
They got me to start creating again. They lit a fire within me. They got me to quit my stupid job. They led me to see what was absolutely stupid in my life and what I needed to change.
They can do the same for you.
"Every morsel tastes like orgasms
Every touch feels like the universe is coursing through my blood
Every movement feels like I’m a warrior
Every breath feels like fresh forest streams
Sex feels like I’m in another dimension
Love feels like that only thing that exists
Nature feels like the only real home
Sleep feels like a teacher
Waking feels like rebirth
So it can all begin again
Where life can seep through the pores
Into the viscous fluid of the veins"
Without a cheat day, there will be BETTER results than expected. If there is competition involved, there will be a advantage. If there is health involved, vibrancy will expand even higher. If there is exercise involved, strength will be taken even further.
Results can only be bigger. Success can only be more imminent. Strength can only be greater. Life can only be better.
When to Take Advice, and When Not To
Have you actually ever followed someone else’s map instead of just reading it?
Even better, have you ever created your OWN map, and followed that? Or is it still just floating in your head, along with thought bubbles for “one day” and “maybe?”
Here’s some good advice: Write that shit DOWN. Follow the map. Discover buried treasure (your possible life).
Listen to the cues of the universe. Often, the answers you are seeking are colliding with you from all sides, but you are oblivious to them because you aren’t open to changing.
Success means being VULNERABLE – much more so than failing.
Failing (and not continuing forward) is EASY to deal with. We can numb it out with food, TV, Facebook, weed, whatever our drug of choice is. We can give up and identify as victims. Poor us.
With success, we can’t do that. There are essential aspects that go with it that we cannot ignore. We can’t numb them, and that’s scary.
Identifying as a failure is simple, easy, and lazy. It requires no movement. It is a stagnant place to be. People wonder why they are depressed and anxious, but it’s because they aren’t in line with their heart’s desires, and it means they’re not taking any action (or they’ve tried and given up).
The fear of success holds us back. It makes us responsible for our own happiness, it means we are not able to identify as victims anymore. Our identities are shattered. We have to start again.
But isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t starting over a gift? You can unearth that version of you that’s been buried for so long underneath the crap and angst.